I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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