I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
