Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
