Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
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we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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