I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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