she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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