I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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