you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
