the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
