He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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