I can text with my tongue
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
