like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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