U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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