my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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