dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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