During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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