At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
