so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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