You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
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Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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