tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
