so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
