So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
