no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
