i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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