yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
