I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
