you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
