I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
there is glitter all over my balls
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
