I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
