She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
