the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
