even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
