Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize