apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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