i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
