Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
