pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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