Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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