Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
