Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
