I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
