did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize