Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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