I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
