and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
