If i come over, it means nothing
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's blow job season.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize