Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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