I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
