I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
