Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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