We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
