There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
