its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm always down for nudity.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
