Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
