life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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