In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
