Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
