Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
