A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
