someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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