it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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