The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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